This is a hard blog to write as I feel so much guilt for how I feel. I know they are normal natural feelings but I sit and cry because I feel bad for how I feel and what my daughter must be going through. It all seems to come down to sleep but when I really contemplate it my daughter needs more attention.

Because I had a C-section my husband brought Jess to bed so I could nurse her because it was so painful to get up we just let her stay in bed with us a co-sleeping situation I guess. Not something we planned and not something I wanted.

She has gotten used to a lot of comfort before going to sleep either nursing, rocking, shushing, the 5 S’s do work and I do believe are needed and should be done for a baby under 3 months maybe even 4 months according to the research they are still a fetus and need that nurturing.

The 1^st 6 weeks my husband was on medical leave so it was better, I had a lot more help. I still had a lot of compassion for several more weeks but the constant crying unless she was being held or entertained started to wear on me. I have a lot of experience with children and babies from when I was younger and growing up and taking care of my son who is now 24, but I have never encountered a baby this needy.

We thought it was because of the C-section experience. We’re still trying to figure things out for sure and things have gotten better and seem to every day, like she doesn’t scream bloody murder just to get a diaper change anymore. It’s extremely hard when I so desire to write a blog or more importantly go to the bathroom, eat, or do dishes, it can be maddening. It’s worse when I think I’m not really helping her at all with what I’m doing. I figure something else must be wrong but it doesn’t take away the deep frustration I feel. I wanted her. I worked REALLY hard to have her (through IVF), how dare I feel this way? She does have some type of sleep problem that will need to be corrected using Healthy Sleep Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weisbluth

In the meantime my husband’s work has lightened a bit during the next 5 months with a lower work load at school, he’s finishing his MBA, we hired a sitter for 5 hours a week, so relief will come soon. In the meantime I pray a lot for many people when I sit rocking, nursing, or pumping milk so I know its productive and good things will come from this season.

When we got home from the hospital my husband started our daughter doing tummy time at 3 weeks old. She laid there like a blob. She looked so helpless. He was inspired to research online about it. Come to find out it’s really important for the strengthening of their neck and back and also for the curvature of their back.

I got real concerned when a doctor told us that she wasn’t holding her head up at 2.5 months like she should at that age. So I a little research about it and found out that by 4 mo. of age they should be doing 80 minutes a day. She’s 3 mo. now and were barely up to 20.

There a few things that mimic tummy time and help strengthen the back and neck also. If you hold your baby at an angle on your chest and they are lifting their head that’s a form of tummy time. If you hold your baby on their tummy on your arm facing down that’s a form of tummy time. So were probably doing more tummy time than we realize. I also put her on a boppy pillow and that counts too. So thank God she demands so much attention because we are doing way more tummy time than I thought. I do a lot of entertaining her during tummy time, I got a video of her using a slinky. She gets so frustrated that she’s not strong enough to sit up and play with toys yet. The slinky falls out of her hand very quickly. The longest tummy time we’ve had to date at 3 months 1 week was 26 minutes at one time. I try to do it when she just wakes up, ate and changed. It seems to work best then.